Posted by: dropapebble | August 29, 2009

Dear Dalea: ILY

Dear Dalea,

My girlfriend of 3 months just told me she…well, you know, that “I love you” thing. I mean, I really like her and everything, and didn’t really act crazy when she said it, but now she keeps doing it. THere’s this little pause and I think she wants me to say it back. I said that I wasn’t sure if I felt the same just yet, and she said OK, but it’s starting to drive me a little nuts. I don’t think breaking up with her is what I want to do but she seems to be more hurt all the time with every little thing I say. I feel like she’s another person now and it’s not what I want, all these indirect little things to try to get me to say ILY.

Ugh, what do I do? The girl’s going bipolar on me now. She used to be so cute and fun to be around. Now she’s mopey and it’s almost like she’s nagging me about it.

-Lovejack’d

Dear Lovejack’d,

Right. SO that’s a sticky one. You’re sure you don’t want to leave her, but you also are starting to not be able to stand her because the ILY is standing between you, eh?

I’m sure you’re probably already thinking it, but as you’ve asked me, I gotta just say this: Talk to her. You’re not jacked at all, the older most of us girls get, the more jaded we tend to get, so if she said she loves you, at least do her the courtesy of considering her seriously.

Sit her down and don’t just say, “I’m not ready.” Tell her how you DO feel about her (i know, I know that sterotype you men hate sharing feelings—in this case it’s worth sucking it up). Smile, hug her, and assure her that while you don’t know what will happen, if things work out well enough there’s plenty of time for love to really develop as you already have a good basis of “really liking” her.

If that’s not good enough for her, be careful. ILY should never be rushed and if she’s not being understanding you may want to consider if she was really what you thought.  Needy is never good, especially over time, if what you’re in, or looking for, is a mature, committed relationship. I”m not saying 3 months isn’t enough time, because that depends on the situation and how long or well you knew each other before.

Best of luck,

– Cerca Dalea

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