Posted by: dropapebble | September 16, 2009

Neglected, a satirical monologue

I should be asleep. But being so exhausted I could sob distracts me beautifully.

Anyway.

So I’m told that it’s okay for guys to not give a damn.

To act like you don’t matter, and nothing that’s making you sick and exhausted matters. Not that I’d go to a guy I’m with for help—that’s a sign of weakness, you can’t seem needy. I mean, appparently they really do love you and mean it when they say they miss you, even though they don’t ever try to see you like they said they would, esp when you make an effort when they want to see you.

But here’s the thing. We are needy. ALl of us. We act like, shit, we got our business to do. And we do. But here’s a reality check. We’re still thinking about them. And wanting them there.

But are they? Apparently they know how to turn it off—their homeboys are enough, you’re just sex…funny thing is, that means if you’re not so great, or out of shape, you’re going to get replaced soon. If they think highly of themselves morally, they’ll lie tell you that you’re beautiful and they love you. You want to give them attention, but then they’ll act like you chafing because that means you’re daring to try to set the time, not them. So they might cheat on you soon because they’ll seek attention elsewhere, but how’s that fair when they set you up to not see them, not hang out with them enough? Sound about right?

Let’s say they do love you. Guess what? It’s on their convenience to act like it, or to mean it. They choose when they have to love you, and how. Sometimes “how” is just saying I love you once in awhile and they figure you should be grateful for that. It doesn’t matter you cry bc they send just a few texts for a whole week, and weeks go by and they still can’t make a single minute of time for you.

ANd if you demand, even a little, that you get treated like a decent human being with feelings and needs like them…you’re nagging.

You should be grateful for what you got, and if they tell you some crap like “You deserve more”, they’re just trying to make you feel special because they know how much we like that illusion.

Experts in broken dreams and illusions, aren’t they?

Don’t you cry, though, girl. Treat ’em right back. IF they’re cold, and if they don’t care, you swallow your tears, and your broken heart, and the self-pity and sense of how pathetic you are and you look down on them.

Look as hot as possible, but only tease them. Torture them. Make them your slave. Tell them anything they want to hear. Tell them that you love them, but when they call, when they desperately want you to just even text one little “Good night”, laugh, turn it on vibrate and ignore them.

Now you’re acting like a boy. Now you’re in control, and you get to give it back. But now you’re also becoming a monster, what’s considered “a normal human being” these days.

So that’s why we deal with it, because we got our pride left, and sinking to their level doesn’t really work. The sad thing is, they’ll likely say they’re a victim, only now caring about how much it hurts because it’s them that’s hurting, not you. And leave you. Then you’ll be broken hearted, and have a box full of issues for the next guy to come along and do the same thing in a different way all over again.

You’re in love. Congrats, and welcome to Hell.

They can’t love like we can, ladies. They don’t know how. They’re too busy being “big, strong man” to let themselves.

As for us…we won’t leave. We love them too much, and if we’re strong women we don’t quit—I mean, why bother when the next one could be even worse, and at best, the same.

-VM

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