Posted by: dropapebble | April 26, 2010

4 Months Experiment: Day 13 of 120

I suppose I should have updated earlier, and if I want anyone to be interested, I really should, but I think this is more for myself than to become some sort of internet phenomenon. Ha. Maybe if I sorta chronicle what’s going on, then it will help me when I review the experience later.

Well, be private. Sure. But I think it takes a little bit more bravery to post it. Besides, if no one’s reading this, it’s fine. I don’t plan in getting into politics later, and as for job searching, I don’t think I wrote anything in here that is compromising.

Okay, onto the juicy stuff. A little bit.

You know that guy I was saying I thought was maybe bi/gay? Well, I felt like he was acting as if I still was throwing myself at him (recall that we went out on one date several months ago), and it was annoying and embarrassing. So I sat him down, had a talk, then promptly started saying hi to him but then after that, acting as if he was unimportant and breezed by him (funny thing is this is not the first time I’ve had to do this so circumstances were a bit different, but I’ll refrain from talking about that). Nothing like hostile ignoring, just indifferent, a nice smile to show friendliness.

I still don’t know, but if he is, then he’s at least bi, I think. Either way, it’s like magic. Now he’s not awkward, he’s actually smiling at me (I’ve noticed he doesn’t smile much at school/in class if at all, so that’s why it’s all that more startling when he smiles at me). He’s still being very high school in this way, so perhaps it’s just a fun distraction to make the time go by. I’m okay with that. Because it IS kinda fun. And because since he’s just about casual fun seeing more than one girl (which college guy isn’t like that?), it’s just right. Because I’m holding out for at least a more solid date with someone who wants one, too.

**I’m kinda afraid that he might actually read the above, but then I remember he’s one of five guys I know that doesn’t have a facebook (or at least he says he doesn’t).  And the odds of him finding this particular humble little set of notes is quite low, so up it stays—be brave!***

So, there’s a new fellow. Or not so new. Two, actually. Wow, not doing so bad. All of a sudden my game has skyrocketing since changing my relationship status on FB from single. (Don’t worry, I’m “talking” to more than one guy and everyone is aware, I”m not a sleaze). I mean, for me, anyway, don’t have to snort and say you drop 10 women in one night versus my 4-5 guys in a week.

ALl these guys, no dates yet. Because I’m just sorta getting to know them and seeing where it goes. They’re both nice guys, one I used to know back home, and the other is a new guy I met here in town. I don’t know them that well, but at least I”m giving a chance where normally I’d dismiss it. I can always cut it off. Or they can.

I’m going to see one at a party (oh, the parties I’m suddenly attending to try new things), the other might drive up here to hang out with me. oh, and one more, sorta doesn’t count, I haven’t met him just yet, not for real anyway, so that one’s sorta not there, but could be.

So. I think we don’t like people who are looking because there’s this aura of desperate searching about them. So if you act as if you’re taken (as if you’re safe, you don’t have to worry if this guy doesn’t like you in the end) they’ll feel you’re enough of challenge, and they’ll like your confidence and won’t worry about neediness as much. That’s the theory so far that’s proving pretty true.

This new approach is certainly making me less stressed—accepting rejection (So far just one guy rejecting me, and me rejecting another guy) and taking it slow, feeling it out instead of focusing on one guy and rushing in.

Take my time, and maybe I will notice he’s an asshole before I’ve poured months of ‘girlfriend/boyfriend’ time into it. 🙂

Of course this whole thing can blow up in my face at any time, and I’ve certainly been embarrassing myself, but I”d say 80% the guys I’m flirting with are enjoying it, whether or not seriously one doesn’t know, but it’s good practice, it’s not slutty, just conversation, and it opens options up I might not have seen if I hadn’t stepped up. As for the 20% of times it falls flat, well, it’s getting easier and easier to be okay with it.

Peace, and remember if anyone has questions, I write relationship articles, so please post them. Or any suggestions for me, I’d love to hear. Not that anyone’s reading. 😉

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